When the Marriage Gets Tough – Stay Put!

Michele SfakianosUncategorizedLeave a Comment

Pick up the newspaper or go online and read the headlines and you will see that there are always celebrity couples that are fighting, separating or getting a divorce.  The problem with this is that they make it look so glamorous.  There is nothing glamorous about getting a divorce. There is nothing sensational about someone hurling hurtful words and downing your character, especially when they are supposed to be in love with you. Yet, we as a society accept this behavior and many times display the same type of behavior.

Can we honestly say this was modeled from our parents or better yet our grandparents? From 1960 to 1980 divorce rates more than doubled.  From 1980 to present, the divorce rate has pretty much remained the same however there are less married couples and more people just living together. What kind of message are we sending to our children? What kind of marriage will they have? Do we even care? Well, I do and I think you should too.

You can’t control your other people. You can’t arrive at changes for other people. You can’t tell other people what to do. But you are able to inspire other people. You are able to give other people a whole fresh set of behaviors and stimulants to react to.

Rescuing your relationship means delivering you. Until you begin to accept dignity, respect, and emotional wholeness, you won’t have that quality and degree of fundamental interaction with anyone else. You can’t reveal what you don’t have. If you don’t have a virtuous and healthy love and regard for yourself, how can you potentially give that to anyone else? And if you can’t commit it to anyone else, then how can you potentially expect to have it reciprocated?

You have to be amenable to admit that when it comes to carrying on a relationship, whatever you’re thinking and feeling and doing isn’t working. You have to be amenable to move your attitude on some very deep feelings and long-held emotions and behavioral patterns. You must be amenable to absolutely alter the way you think, feel, and act in relationship to yourself and other people. Coming back in touch with your core of awareness will remind and convince you that there’s nothing wrong with you.

Are you prepared to embrace a fresh sort of thinking, a fresh belief system of rules, a fresh way of viewing yourself and other people? Answer the accompanying questions:

  • Can you choose to measure the quality of your relationship based on outcomes rather than intentions or promises?
  • Can you determine that you would rather be pleased than correct?
  • Can you stop playing the blame game and recognize that it is a new day?
  • Can you be amenable to move your position on how you approach and engage other people?
  • Can you be amenable to get tangible and be honest with yourself, about yourself, regardless how bad it is?
  • Can you quit the denial and be totally, totally truthful about the state of your current relationships?

If you reply no to any of these questions, stop and take the time to work out why you’re still holding on to this destructive mentality, then describe specifically what it will take to alter that “no” into a “yes.” Take action today and work on making your relationship the best it can be.


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